Suicidal at 11 Years Old

When I was about 11 years old, I had started to feel attraction to both girls and boys. (I’m a female) Until this point I only had crushes on boys. Discovering that I also liked girls was very disheartening for 11 year old me. At this time I was also struggling with anxiety and feelings of loneliness because I could not make any friends.
Due to a different medical condition, I was put on antidepressants. When I started to take these pills, I figured out that they helped me sleep and they helped me feel numb.

At eleven years old I was suicidal, addicted to prescription medication, struggling with my sexuality, and alone. “I could end my life in under a minute.” For about 3 years I kept these thoughts inside of me.

Then, I met a boy. A boy who supported and understood me. I am not saying that this boy rescued me or made everything go away but he helped me by giving me someone to talk to and someone to confide in.

While my depression and anxiety have gotten better over time with the support of my family and of that amazing boy, my bisexuality can not go away. I have been dating that boy for five years now and we hope to be married within the next few years.

What many people do not understand is that I am still attracted to women. Just because I am going to spend my life with a man does not mean that I am no longer bisexual. For this reason, I have never told anybody except my boyfriend about my bisexuality.

As a volunteer I get to help others through dark times in their lives. But, that doesn’t mean that I never have darkness. That doesn’t mean that my life is easy or that I also don’t struggle.

My message is this: Everybody has something that they feel like nobody else would understand. And, yeah, maybe nobody will understand exactly what you are going through, but other people can try. Other people can learn about your struggles and support you whether they understand fully or not.

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