In 2018, I will embrace not fitting in as I was born to stand out. That is my superpower.
For the longest time, I have struggled with the feeling of not fitting in, of being the odd one out. As a teenager that bothered me, a lot. Yet in hindsight, I realize it did not bother me enough to change myself. I never changed the way I dress or how I acted. I just wished people would be more accepting of me. It was a strength I had, that I didn’t realize at the time, but helped me a great deal later on in life.
Fast forward a decade and a half, and I found myself at utter despair. My life was falling apart, I had no friends in my chosen country, and life was rough. So much so that I struggled with suicidal ideation. It was a long road back to recovery but, during that time I made new friends. I discovered what I was really made of. And I learned to accept myself as I was, including recurring dark thoughts. Thankfully those dark thoughts started to fade over time.
I’m now at a place where I’m very happy in life. I have the most amazing friends, an awesome job, a loving cat, and a roof over my head. What more could I possibly want!?
I still do struggle with my thoughts at times.
I did some thinking and ‘research’ and realize these dark moments often occur when I feel judged or rejected by a friend. I’m very sensitive to their comments about me. And I hate it. I want to be fierce and confident and not feel impacted by what others think of me. Most of the time I am confident, and I do feel good. So why does it sometimes throw me off?
So, for 2018 I have decided I will accept the fact that despite my positive nature, my demons sometimes get the best of me. And it is ok, because I am stronger than my demons. I can fight them. I had hoped never to encounter my demons again. I had thought that once I recovered and worked on my confidence, I would be okay. And I am, most of the time. But those times that I’m not, made me feel like I have not made any progress.
But now I will focus on the fact that despite these demons showing up every now and then, it doesn’t mean I lost. I will embrace the fight and come out stronger.
Whether my demons will yell at me that I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy of my awesome friends, that I’m worthless, or that I’m too fat or ugly, I will fight. And I will win. Because I’m strong. Because I have an inner strength that I wish my younger self would have known.
To learn more about the Embrace Your Superpower 2018 campaign and how you can get involved click here.