When the going gets tough, and life has beaten us down and we can’t fathom to get up, we’re quick to picture when things were good. When life has kicked us while we’re still down, we try to picture that sunrise we saw and want to zap ourselves there. Even when we’re stuck in something as mundane as traffic, it’s almost as if it could not get any worse, as if arriving at our destination is the key to the warm and fuzzies. It’s like we’re programmed to jump from point to point on a graph. As long as we get from zero-zero to five-five, who cares about the incline, who cares about how we get there…we got there! Hurray! Huzzah! We did it! Nothing can stop us!
Something does. Things fall, and they fall fast and fall hard. And we can recount every moment of the decline and how much it hurt. All we’re left with is picturing the good stuff, that sunrise that was the pinnacle of almost great.
Unfortunately, when it comes to depression, and anxiety, and other mental illness’ that we carry, it feels like a constant decline. The sunrise peeks over the horizon and the elated joy is there and then we decline a bit further than before and we can’t remember how we got there. How did we get here? We become frantic, we get forget our fundamentals, and desperately start patting our pockets for a match or-or a lighter, something to bring light to the familiar darkness of night. We just saw it. It-it was there…how could it have gotten so dark already? And once we’ve grown accustomed and it feels like there’s never going to be light again. Maybe we should give up. We know there’s never going to be light again, so why wait for it when we can be done? Then there’s a spark.
Breath catches in our chests and we can feel the warm slightly. We inhale a bit smoother and our eyes aren’t as heavy. We can feel it filling us- the sunrise in our hearts. It slowly rises over and as it does, we don’t…feel our best but we’re okay. We’re still hurt, we’re still sore but we can wiggle our toes again and flex our feet.
When the going gets tough and we picture that sunrise, we want to automatically get there. However, the part that we are denied, the part we forget, the part we shouldn’t assume is linear, what we are the most impatient about, and the probably the most essential factor in thriving and evolving, growing and loving is healing.
Healing means time but we don’t have time for that according to who but someone else’s time table. Fun fact: healing trumps regression. We fall back to darkness wanting to be back in light because we don’t care to see how light smothered out the dark.
We don’t want to gradually catch our breath, we don’t want to let the air fill our lungs. We just want it to be there.
We don’t want to be sick, we just want to be better.
Heal, my friend. Perhaps our sunrise can turn into day.