H.O.P.E. – I Accidentally Fixed Myself

I had struggled with undiagnosed depression for most of my teen years and into early adulthood. It wasn’t until two weeks before my 22nd birthday I had actually attempted suicide. After being discharged from the hospital, I took to self harm and had two more hospitalizations, one long term, and one more attempt. After the last hospitalization, I was met with a letter from my college informing me I was a distraction and a liability to the college and was hereby suspended until further notice. I felt defeated, rejected, and like a complete failure. Why was I punished for seeking help? Something sparked inside of me and I knew I had to prove them wrong. I went to counselling like it was going out of style. I found every support group in the local area relevant to my diagnosis. I went to groups at the local mental health clinic and read what felt like a million self help books. During my quest to prove the school wrong about me; I found myself. I found others struggling with the same issues. I found support and learned how to handle my feelings. I was able to finally live without the desire to die. That was my greatest achievement. I loved myself. I no longer felt like I deserved all the bad things that happened to me and learned that I was worthy. I was finally able to return to school a year later and graduated with an associates degree. I also completed my bachelor’s degree at another university and am currently in grad school. I have the career I have been striving for since high school and 6 years later, I am doing well. It took something drastic in my life to change my outlook. However, I was dead set on proving they knew nothing about me and judged me before getting to know me and my story. I accidentally fixed myself during that time and it quite frankly, saved my life.

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