Anxiety and eating disorders are something that has been a major issue for me for a long time. One that I am typically far less open about than my anxiety and depression. I have a hard time eating and when I do it then it followed immediately by a wave of immense guilt and the need to do something about the calories that I just consumed. Right now, during quarantine that has been especially hard to deal with in a healthy manner because of the restrictions on public access. I am trapped in my home and my monetary situation allows me very little control over my food choices. I eat because I am bored and then I spiral because I ate. It’s an almost endless cycle. During normal times, I could go for a walk or simply eat healthier low calorie foods that satisfy me but right now I can’t do either. As a person who has had skin cancer recently, I am not allowed out in the sun for more than a half-hour period of time before I have to take a break but I have a heart condition that prevents excessive activity in the heat as well. So I am very limited. This has caused a trigger for not only my food issues but for my anxiety and depression as well. I have become obsessive over what I consume and what I expend and that is not healthy at all. To deal with this, I have been focusing on three major things;
1) Reducing the anxiety related to eating
2) Expending the energy that facilitated the worsening of that anxiety
3) Creating an environment that limits my access to foods that make me feel bad about myself
A lot of my outlets have consisted of yoga, walking my dog, and playing with the kids in my care. I have turned my issues with food into a way to teach them about healthy eating and the moderation of junk food. In teaching them how to treat their bodies with care I have gained a new perspective on my own care and that has helped a lot. I want to practice what I preach so that I never have to see them go through what I do.