A Volunteer’s Rabbit Hole

*Trigger Warning

Thinking about World Suicide Prevention Month and knowing how overwhelmingly fast things can build up in one’s life, especially during these times, I thought about sharing a little something of what helped me.

Being the caring type, I have a tendency to worry about other people first and see to it that everybody around me feels fine before checking in on myself.  I know this method can be a trap for spiraling down eventually after falling down this rabbit hole a several times in the last few years. 

So there I was:  feeling moody, out of touch with things, doing everything that I’m supposed to do but not feeling it. Negative thoughts were getting the better of me.

Like I said, I know this road. I  know where it was going to lead me and I was definitely not going that way. I was honestly wondering what I was differently doing wrong. 

As I remembered from being a teen, shutting down about those deep, dark, and dusty thoughts that were festering my mind is what made me feel in control and strong but they absolutely didn’t help. My uncle is what saved me. He invested time and effort to get me to talking and things changed eventually.

So talking and sharing? That’s it? 

Ugh, having to collect all of my courage and resisting all the insecurities. I gave in and tried telling people that I was struggling a bit. 

And what do you know? One of my best friends asked if I wanted to hear her two cents on what was going on with my feelings. She mentioned how taking care of others, taking in all the things happening with the people I try to help, “but”, she said “how do you fill your cup?”

Such an innocent question had me in tears. She pointed out what I myself couldn’t see clearly: I needed to put a little more love and care in my soul to keep standing upright. 

We need the care of others to find the small things that can make a huge difference in life.

– IMAlive Volunteer

*If you or someone you know is in crisis, please contact emergency services.

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